My experience dating a Korean Man
South Korean romantic dramas are all the rage around the world. Right now, there’s probably at least one female somewhere in the world dreaming about having a boyfriend like Song Joong Ki’s manly role in Descendants of the Sun, or perhaps Gong Yoo’s character in Goblin.
However, these are just characters on the television screen. What about Korean guys in real life? Korea Monthly's writer Stella offers us her insight after dating a Korean man.
However, these are just characters on the television screen. What about Korean guys in real life? Korea Monthly's writer Stella offers us her insight after dating a Korean man.
Good Points:
1. He knows how to make me smile
Dating in Korea is a whole new level. Perhaps because of the Korean dramas and Seogetting culture (matchmaking sessions - quite common in Korea), you’d expect many Korean men to be dating experts. They’ll know the perfect spots to take you, the sweet things to do to win a girl’s heart, the romantic phrases to say and they generally have a good sense of humour. I guess I’m stereotyping a little, but the Koreans I’ve met pretty much fit the bill.
When I was heading back to Singapore after my 3-month stay in Korea, my boyfriend gave me a bag with a selection of sweets for the journey, a handwritten note appreciating the time we spent together and a Lloyds bracelet. It was like falling in love all over again. Enough said, SOLD.
2. They are the Oppas (Big brothers)
They take really good care of you. Most Korean men enjoy being called ‘Oppa’ (big brother in Korean). It’s almost like a spell - If you say the magic word, they’ll do anything for you. They like it simply because it sounds cute when girls say it.
Can’t deny, I found it disturbing at first because Singaporeans don’t call our lovers “big brothers”. We have a thousand ways of calling them (Dear Dear, Darls, Hubbs, Baby, Dar Dar, Bee, Darling plus some other cringe-worthy ones) but never “Elder Brother”. After a while, you’ll get the hang of it. ;)
3. Most of them are independent
A good percentage of Koreans who live in countryside/suburban areas eventually move out of their hometown to Seoul to study or work on their own by the age of 19. They’ll have some experience taking care of household chores and being the handy man around the house. As a result, you’ll probably not expect to go out with a ‘Mommy’s Boy’. My man, apart from his fear of cockroaches, fares pretty well in this section.
4. They’re well-mannered…
…at least, that’s the first impression they give. They’ll bow, serve you food, and say their greetings well. The best of all is that they can make you happy with their small talk. They’ll pass compliments (even if they don’t really mean it) and know when to say the right things to people to earn a good impression – ironically, this is also why you should always take comments from your Korean acquaintances and Ahjummas trying to sell you something with a pinch of salt. I personally think that Koreans are very well-trained in mannerisms and it is a really good skill to have, especially when talking to the elders in your family. Conclusion: They’ll impress your family, your friends and you know you’d like that. ;)
5. They’re walking encyclopedias of all things Korean
If you’re a huge fan of the Korean culture (traveling, Kpop, food, dramas, etc), then, needless to say, you’re really going to appreciate having a partner who is Korean. He’ll definitely be able to share more about Korea and you can probably pick up the language from him along the way. Best part is that you’ll always have a guide to the best Korean hideouts whenever you’re travelling in Korea. PS: Dating spots in Korea are much more romantic than ours here in Singapore.
1. He knows how to make me smile
Dating in Korea is a whole new level. Perhaps because of the Korean dramas and Seogetting culture (matchmaking sessions - quite common in Korea), you’d expect many Korean men to be dating experts. They’ll know the perfect spots to take you, the sweet things to do to win a girl’s heart, the romantic phrases to say and they generally have a good sense of humour. I guess I’m stereotyping a little, but the Koreans I’ve met pretty much fit the bill.
When I was heading back to Singapore after my 3-month stay in Korea, my boyfriend gave me a bag with a selection of sweets for the journey, a handwritten note appreciating the time we spent together and a Lloyds bracelet. It was like falling in love all over again. Enough said, SOLD.
2. They are the Oppas (Big brothers)
They take really good care of you. Most Korean men enjoy being called ‘Oppa’ (big brother in Korean). It’s almost like a spell - If you say the magic word, they’ll do anything for you. They like it simply because it sounds cute when girls say it.
Can’t deny, I found it disturbing at first because Singaporeans don’t call our lovers “big brothers”. We have a thousand ways of calling them (Dear Dear, Darls, Hubbs, Baby, Dar Dar, Bee, Darling plus some other cringe-worthy ones) but never “Elder Brother”. After a while, you’ll get the hang of it. ;)
3. Most of them are independent
A good percentage of Koreans who live in countryside/suburban areas eventually move out of their hometown to Seoul to study or work on their own by the age of 19. They’ll have some experience taking care of household chores and being the handy man around the house. As a result, you’ll probably not expect to go out with a ‘Mommy’s Boy’. My man, apart from his fear of cockroaches, fares pretty well in this section.
4. They’re well-mannered…
…at least, that’s the first impression they give. They’ll bow, serve you food, and say their greetings well. The best of all is that they can make you happy with their small talk. They’ll pass compliments (even if they don’t really mean it) and know when to say the right things to people to earn a good impression – ironically, this is also why you should always take comments from your Korean acquaintances and Ahjummas trying to sell you something with a pinch of salt. I personally think that Koreans are very well-trained in mannerisms and it is a really good skill to have, especially when talking to the elders in your family. Conclusion: They’ll impress your family, your friends and you know you’d like that. ;)
5. They’re walking encyclopedias of all things Korean
If you’re a huge fan of the Korean culture (traveling, Kpop, food, dramas, etc), then, needless to say, you’re really going to appreciate having a partner who is Korean. He’ll definitely be able to share more about Korea and you can probably pick up the language from him along the way. Best part is that you’ll always have a guide to the best Korean hideouts whenever you’re travelling in Korea. PS: Dating spots in Korea are much more romantic than ours here in Singapore.
Not-so-good Points:
And now, for the flip side of the coin: Not all things are smooth-sailing when dating a Korean man, or foreigners for that matter. Here are a few points why, from my opinion.
1. Cultural Differences
How different can 2 Asian cultures get? A lot. Korea’s a long way from Singapore, after all! My boyfriend and I have our fair share of cultural differences. It may seem interesting at first, but it could eventually break a couple. Some of our worst quarrels were because we refuse to give in to each other’s way of thinking or behaviour.
I once asked my boyfriend when in our relationship he felt like giving up the most, and he replied that it was during the time I blew up because I thought he did something which I felt was disrespectful and he couldn’t understand why I got so angry. Key takeaway: We all have our differences, cultural or otherwise.
2. Language Barriers
It is really rare that a Korean can speak Mandarin (I’m Chinese), and English. That means, if you’re dating a Korean man and your family/friends communicates in Mandarin, there is a high chance that there’ll be a language barrier. The problem gets worse if he doesn’t speak English well too. If that happens, it’s common to have parents complain about not being able to have a prolonged conversation with their future son-in-law. Sandwiched in the middle, the human patty (that’s me) has to bridge the gaps in the communication.
3. Long Distance Relationship
This doesn’t apply to everyone. It’s just the unlucky ones like me whose boyfriend is not based in Singapore. Maintaining a long-distance relationship is no joke. It takes a huge amount of trust, independence and mobile data. You can’t see him whenever you want to, your weekend dates are mostly restricted to conversations through KakaoTalk (the Korean version of Whatsapp) and whenever you guys meet, it means a lot of money spent on travelling for either or both of you. There will be times when you question whether he’s cheating on you, or wonder why you should stay in a relationship when you can’t hang out as often as most normal couples do.
4. The Chauvinistic Male
Definition of a Male Chauvinist: A man who thinks woman are not equal to men.
Almost whenever I tell a friend that my boyfriend is Korean, I get a curious look with the same question: “Are they very chauvinistic?
Most Koreans will tell you that this no longer applies to the younger generation. In a more traditional context, mothers treat their sons better than their daughters, and males have a higher chance to be promoted as compared to a female. Females are given the role as the weaker being, and should follow their man, cook and care for the family.
My general observation is that there is still a big part of the population that behaves like that, solely because it’s difficult for a woman to excel in her job while also taking on the position as a full-time mom. In Korea, domestic helpers are rare and expensive, so most Korean ladies end up quitting their day job, putting their family as the priority. It is very common to see stay-at-home mums in Korea and as such, fuelling the dominance of the Father Figure of the family.
Acceptance & Understanding
To sum it up, I don’t find it extremely challenging to be in a relationship with my Korean boyfriend. We have our differences, for sure, but the key to a successful relationship is to communicate and understand what is important to your partner. I’ve had to make some compromises along the way, but which couple doesn’t? I hope this post helps you to understand the main observations I have about dating a Korean man, whether or not if you’re already dating one, or just curious about what it’s like. I’ll say go with your heart and not let the barriers stop you. They say love transcends borders. :)
And now, for the flip side of the coin: Not all things are smooth-sailing when dating a Korean man, or foreigners for that matter. Here are a few points why, from my opinion.
1. Cultural Differences
How different can 2 Asian cultures get? A lot. Korea’s a long way from Singapore, after all! My boyfriend and I have our fair share of cultural differences. It may seem interesting at first, but it could eventually break a couple. Some of our worst quarrels were because we refuse to give in to each other’s way of thinking or behaviour.
I once asked my boyfriend when in our relationship he felt like giving up the most, and he replied that it was during the time I blew up because I thought he did something which I felt was disrespectful and he couldn’t understand why I got so angry. Key takeaway: We all have our differences, cultural or otherwise.
2. Language Barriers
It is really rare that a Korean can speak Mandarin (I’m Chinese), and English. That means, if you’re dating a Korean man and your family/friends communicates in Mandarin, there is a high chance that there’ll be a language barrier. The problem gets worse if he doesn’t speak English well too. If that happens, it’s common to have parents complain about not being able to have a prolonged conversation with their future son-in-law. Sandwiched in the middle, the human patty (that’s me) has to bridge the gaps in the communication.
3. Long Distance Relationship
This doesn’t apply to everyone. It’s just the unlucky ones like me whose boyfriend is not based in Singapore. Maintaining a long-distance relationship is no joke. It takes a huge amount of trust, independence and mobile data. You can’t see him whenever you want to, your weekend dates are mostly restricted to conversations through KakaoTalk (the Korean version of Whatsapp) and whenever you guys meet, it means a lot of money spent on travelling for either or both of you. There will be times when you question whether he’s cheating on you, or wonder why you should stay in a relationship when you can’t hang out as often as most normal couples do.
4. The Chauvinistic Male
Definition of a Male Chauvinist: A man who thinks woman are not equal to men.
Almost whenever I tell a friend that my boyfriend is Korean, I get a curious look with the same question: “Are they very chauvinistic?
Most Koreans will tell you that this no longer applies to the younger generation. In a more traditional context, mothers treat their sons better than their daughters, and males have a higher chance to be promoted as compared to a female. Females are given the role as the weaker being, and should follow their man, cook and care for the family.
My general observation is that there is still a big part of the population that behaves like that, solely because it’s difficult for a woman to excel in her job while also taking on the position as a full-time mom. In Korea, domestic helpers are rare and expensive, so most Korean ladies end up quitting their day job, putting their family as the priority. It is very common to see stay-at-home mums in Korea and as such, fuelling the dominance of the Father Figure of the family.
Acceptance & Understanding
To sum it up, I don’t find it extremely challenging to be in a relationship with my Korean boyfriend. We have our differences, for sure, but the key to a successful relationship is to communicate and understand what is important to your partner. I’ve had to make some compromises along the way, but which couple doesn’t? I hope this post helps you to understand the main observations I have about dating a Korean man, whether or not if you’re already dating one, or just curious about what it’s like. I’ll say go with your heart and not let the barriers stop you. They say love transcends borders. :)
Editor’s note: The article above is written by our female guest columnist from Singapore, Stella, sharing about her experience dating a Korean man.
The opinions here are the personal views of the writer based on this experience and do not reflect her views of all Korean men. They are independent of Korea Monthly’s editorial stance.
The opinions here are the personal views of the writer based on this experience and do not reflect her views of all Korean men. They are independent of Korea Monthly’s editorial stance.
